Broken
by Kasamari
Summary: He isn't the same anymore. He's broken inside, and it's tearing her apart. Hint of BBRae
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans

It had been a month since The Brain had been defeated and the Titans had returned home. Robin and Starfire had settled back in nicely and Cyborg began spending more time walking around Jump City. It was a kind of game to him to see everything that had and had not changed. Raven, however, felt miserable. Something was eating away at her from the inside, clutching her heart in a vice grip: Beastboy.

Almost two years ago he lost her. Then she just suddenly turns up perfectly content in her everyday life, completely oblivious to everything she used to be and everyone who cared about her. Why did she get to be free? Why did she get to be happy? It wasn't fair!

Raven stood in front of Murakami High School and just watched as the girl who used to be Terra smiled and enjoyed eating lunch with her friends. Remembering Beastboy's face as he recounted meeting her made Raven feel ill. He was crushed. Utterly devastated. Of course he played it off now with jokes and fake smiles, but Raven knew better than that.

Why was she even here? What did she think would happen? She knew seeing Terra would just make her angry. She knew she couldn't bring his annoying smile back this way. She just missed it so much though.

"Hey!" someone shouted. "It's one of the Titans!"

The high schoolers rushed over to the fence to greet Raven. Many of the girls wanted to shake her hand while a lot of the boys just sort of stared at her. Raven looked through the crowd to find that Terra was walking through the school doors, looking back over her shoulder only for an instant.

"Coward," Raven mumbled under her breath.

- - - -

Beastboy was laying somewhat peacefully on his bed lost in thought. He'd been doing that a lot lately. Seeing Terra had really shaken him when he got home. Why had she forgotten? All he wanted was his friend back. Why did things have to change?

Rising from his no longer peaceful rest, he decided to check on everyone. He had really freaked them out when it started, so he did not want anyone to worry. Out in the common room Robin was watching television with Starfire.

"Is it not difficult to answer the questions while being shocked?" Starfire asked.

"That's kind of the point, Star. The show is called 'Distraction'."

"Humans are very odd," Starfire replied.

"Hey guys," Beastboy said. "They blowin' up the prizes yet?"

Starfire cocked her head to one side in confusion.

"Where's Cy?"

"Out joyriding," Robin answered.

"What about--"

Before her name escaped his lips, Raven entered the common room. _She looks like she's gonna cry,_ Beastboy thought. Raven's eyes briefly met his before she turned away and walked towards the fridge. She did not want to see him right now. Not after having gone to see her.

"Hey, Rae," he said hopping over to her. "Whatcha doin'?"

Against her better judgement, she turned to face him. A big, toothy grin was plastered across his face as his eyebrows bounced up and down. Raven would have put up with this, but his eyes were empty. He was still faking.

"Leaving," she replied as she walked passed him for her room. He stared after her for a while and wondered what might have been bothering her.

"I didn't get to tell her my new joke," he said, deciding to go after her.

Raven entered the dark sanctuary that was her room and sat down on her bed. Thoughts jumbled in her mind with no organization. She knew that she should meditate, but could not bring herself to focus on it. She was upset with herself for what she had been thinking. She should tell him. To him it would be important. To him that coward was important. A knock resonated through her room.

"Raven?" Beastboy called. "Raven, are you okay?"

She opened the door and peaked out at him. His hand was on the back of his head. He always did that when he was nervous or worried.

"I'm fine," she answered in her monotone voice.

"C'mon, Rae, what's goin' on?"

"Raven," she corrected for the millionth time. _What am I doing? I should be consoling him, not the other way around._

"Well, if you feel like talking, you know where to find me."

Why was he always worried about everyone else? About her? Especially when he was hurting so much? She opened her door the rest of the way and stared at him.

"Come in," she said.

It was more like an order than an invitation. Still, she was never inviting and her room was usually off limits. Beastboy eagerly complied.

"So," he said as he looked everything over. Creepy masks and statues, old dusty books, scary mirror he played with that one time. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Would you just stop?" she said. "I'm empathic, remember?" Of course he remembered. He had just been hoping that she hadn't.

"What're you talking about?" he stalled.

"You know what I'm talking about," she said.

Beastboy trudged over to her bed and sat down. She joined him as he sighed deeply.

"I just don't know how," he said "I'm trying, I really am. I just don't know how to move on." A sudden warmth on his hand captured his attention. Raven squeezed it gently.

"I have something to tell you, but I don't want to get your hopes up."

Beastboy looked up at her and gazed into her eyes. Raven still could not face him. She turned away as she squeezed his hand harder. As much as she hated the idea, Beastboy would be himself again if it worked.

"Raven, what is it?"

Taking a deep breath, Raven slowly spoke what had been on her mind all afternoon.

"I think . . . I think I can bring her back." Beastboy's hand gripped hers firmly at the news. "It's all still with her, locked away in her mind. With my powers, I think I can help her bring down the barriers and remember."

Beastboy sat in silent thought. Could it be true? Could he really have her back? His heart skipped a beat.

_She chooses not to,_ Slade's voice echoed in his head.

_Things change, Beastboy._

A tear rolled down his cheek. Terra had said it herself. She had no desire to be who she had been. No desire to be with him. Who was he to take away her new life? Who was he to force that burden back on her all over again?

"Thanks anyway, Raven," he said. She finally turned and looked him in the eye. There it was. It was not as bright as before, but that unique sparkle had rekindled. A comforting feeling washed over Raven.

"Why?" she found herself asking. _What are you doing? He said no, so drop it!_

"Because. I really am trying to move on. It hurts, but with friends like you I know I'll be okay."

He smiled as he rose to his feet. Pulling her up with him, he gently wrapped his arms around her. Raven felt the heat in her face as she began to blush. This was nothing like the clingy, annoying hugs that he usually gave her. This one was more. She felt more connected to him than ever before while he held her.

"What . . ?"

"Thanks, Rae," he said quietly before releasing her. "Thanks."

A/N: Kasamari has had this one down on paper forever and decided that he should share with his readers. Please give him some reviews, or Kasamari's muse will shrivel up and die.

Additional Disclaimer: I do not own Distracted either.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans

It was so ridiculous. How could they have made such a huge mistake? Scratch that. How could _she_ have made such a huge mistake?

It wasn't even one of their more challenging villains. One blast had never caused so much damage. She could not tell how deep they were buried, only that it would take time for the other Titans to get them out. Time that they might not have. Beast Boy hard taken a hard blow to the head.

Raven did her best to stop the bleeding by using her cloak as a compress. She was having a hard time concentrating after the concussion of the blast. She barely had enough focus to see in the darkness that surrounded them let alone to use any of her magic. If either of them were to lose consciousness at this point, there was no guarantee that they would wake up.

"Rae?"

"It's going to be okay, Beast Boy," she told him. "Just hold on. The others will find us."

"I know," he said weakly as he did his best to smile up at her. "I just don't think you do. You're shaking, Rae."

"It's just my nerves trying to calm down after the blast," she replied. "Don't try to talk."

"It's better than quiet," he said. "Besides, it might help keep me awake."

"Reasonable thought," Raven admitted.

"Now that's funny," he whispered. "You calling me reasonable."

"And surprise surprise," she deadpanned, "I'm still not laughing."

"I'll break you yet," he boasted. "There's no person alive the B-Man can't make laugh. Or at least smile anyway."

"I'm sure."

Beast Boy's face was losing more color. Raven laid his head down on her lap and pressed her cloak harder to his wound. He let out a soft moan of pain.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"It's fine," he replied. They sat in the dark in silence for some time before he spoke again. "Do you think I messed up?"

"I think we both messed up."

"No," Beast Boy chuckled. "I mean with Terra."

Much as she did not like to think about the former Titan, Raven had to admit to herself that she thought about that a lot. In all of the time that she had meditated on it she had come to a conclusion on her thoughts and opinion.

"No," she answered. "I don't think you did. I think that it was amazing that even after everything that you were able to forgive her in the end. That you were able to let her go when she came back. When she left us for Slade, I think you reacted the same way any normal person would have in that situation."

"Normal person," Beast Boy repeated. "That's me."

"You're only human, Beast Boy."

"Stop spinning around for a second, Rae," he said. "You're making me dizzy."

"Just try to put up with it for a little bit longer. The others should be here soon."

"I should have helped her sooner," Beast Boy continued. "Maybe if I hadn't turned my back on her when Slade had her we never would have gone through all that."

"Stop punishing yourself."

"I pushed away the only girl who ever really cared about me. Pushed so hard she actually forgot me and you and everyone else. Or was that just because she got stoned?" He let out a chuckle.

Beast Boy was becoming more delirious with each passing second. He never would have made a joke like that about Terra. Not if he were thinking straight.

"You're hair's real pretty, you know that, Rae?"

Definitely becoming delirious. Where were the others? What was taking them so long?

"Any minute now."

"Rae," Beast Boy said. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got you into this."

"You didn't get me into anything."

"I'm sorry."

The stupid changeling just would not stop. His heart went out to everyone he had ever met. He cared so much and so deeply for so many people that Raven could barely believe his heart hadn't shattered beyond repair by now. She wished she could help him. She wanted so badly to take away his guilt and pain. Even if just for a moment.

Raven's lips pressed gently against Beast Boy's before she could even recognize what she was doing. When she lifted her head away from his, she could see the confusion in his eyes. Either that or she was projecting her own confusion onto him. She felt his hand rest itself on hers as he gave her another weak smile. His eyes slowly began to close and she remembered trying to wake him gently just before she passed out too.

Raven's head was throbbing like someone had been playing a drum solo in her inner ear canal. As she stirred under the covers she felt something limiting her range of movement. Wait a second. Covers? Her eyes shot open and she sat bolt upright. Not the smartest move when you may have a serious head injury. After her stomach calmed back down and her eyes readjusted she found herself lying in the Tower infirmary. A quick glance to her side revealed that Beast Boy was there too.

"You scared us all to death," Robin said from the doorway. "How are you feeling."

"Like Starfire cooked the last three meals I ate," Raven replied. "How did you get us out?"

"The Harold," Robin answered. "We were worried that digging might cause everything to cave in around you. When you didn't dig yourselves out I wasn't sure if you'd be capable of protecting yourselves from a cave in. I'm sorry it took so long to think of him."

"We're out, that's the important thing," Raven said, trying not to look over at Beast Boy.

"Out and going to make full recoveries," Robin told her. "But since he doesn't have self healing powers like you, Beast Boy might be down a little longer."

After looking over Raven and Beast Boy's vital signs, Robin excused himself from the infirmary leaving the two of them alone together. Raven tried not to think about it, but her mind kept racing back to what had happened.

"You okay?"

Beast Boy's voice startled her. She turned to see him looking over at her looking just as exhausted as he did when they had been buried.

"I'll be fine," she said. "You will too."

"Yeah."

At first she just sat there, but she could not take that for long. She slowly pulled herself out of bed and began to walk around the cold, sterile room in her bare feet and gown. Somehow, even though she was trying to distance herself from him, Raven found herself sitting down next to Beast Boy's bed.

"How's your head?" she asked.

"I think I have stitches," he smiled. "Go figure. I finally get an injury that can leave a cool looking scar and it's gonna be somewhere that my hair covers it up."

Raven only nodded. She was not sure what to say to him. She was not sure if he even remembered what had happened. If he did, there was a good chance that he'd only think that it was a dream or a hallucination from the blow to the head he took.

"Can I ask you a question?" he interrupted her thoughts.

"Feel free."

"I kinda want to know the answer and I kinda don't, so I'm not really sure I wanna ask."

"Then don't ask."

"But I really wanna know."

"So ask."

"But I'm pretty sure that you're gonna look at me like I'm stupid."

"And that would be a new experience how?" Raven asked, head slightly aching from the roundabout conversation.

"That's a very good point," Beast Boy said raising his finger.

"So ask already."

"I think something happened down there," he said. "I'm not sure if it really did or not because it seems like it would be impossible, but it really felt like it happened. If it didn't happen then you're gonna think I'm crazy, but if it did happen then you already know what I'm talking about. Raven, do you know what I'm talking about?"

Raven did not answer. She just tried not to look into his eyes. The eyes that not so long ago had been so devoid of that light that made him Beast Boy. The eyes that what felt like only minutes ago looked like they were closing for the last time. She could not stop looking at those eyes and that horrible memory of them closing just kept playing in her head over and over. She blinked a few times and felt the warmth of a tear trickle down her cheek.

"Raven, did it happen?"

She did not say anything. She only nodded very slightly. Partly because it was all she could manage, partly because it hurt too much to try anything more.

"Did it only happen because you thought we were going to die?"

Raven took a deep breath. That was another thing that she had been thinking about rather quickly in the last few minutes. That was not quite the reason she had done it though.

"No," she said. "It only happened because I thought that _you_ were going to die."

"Oh," Beast Boy said. "Okay. That's all I wanted to ask."

Raven placed her hand gently on Beast Boy's cheek and leaned over him. With as much tenderness as she could so as not to cause either of them anymore pain than they were already in, she kissed him. For some reason ridiculous reason everything going on inside Raven's mind just stopped then. It was peaceful. She pulled away from him, but never took her eyes off of his.

"And that was because I wanted to, Beast Boy. Just because I wanted to."


End file.
